


You'll Always Be Perfect to Me

by NagronTrash



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Shaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 21:49:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1164934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NagronTrash/pseuds/NagronTrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Blaine leaves New York the next morning? Reaction one-shot to 4x04 Warnings: Self-harm, language and self-shaming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You'll Always Be Perfect to Me

You’ll Always Be Perfect to Me

The first thing that Kurt did was cry. He cried the night Blaine told him about Eli, he cried when he and Blaine got into the bed, arm's length away from each other, he cried the when Finn left and now he stood there, crying as Blaine closed the door to the loft. Kurt's tears flowed down his cheeks as he finally let his emotions go. Kurt's body was vibrating with the sob that was escaping his body. He had to sit on the toilet so he wouldn't fall on the floor. Kurt put his head in his hands and let out sobs as he rocked himself back and forth.

Was he not good enough? Kurt thought to himself.

What did he do wrong? Kurt stopped crying and stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Kurt looked at himself, judging. He took a critical look at himself.

"Maybe I'm not good looking enough." Kurt said out loud.

"Maybe I'm too much of a failure to him." Kurt continued.

Maybe I deserve to be cheated on. Kurt thought bitterly.

Kurt scowled at his reflection and looked through the drawers for the razor. Once he found it, Kurt held it up to his face.

"Maybe he will want me after this. I'll be better for him." Kurt put the razor to his wrist and added pressure.

Failure. Kurt though as he hissed at the first cut. Blood began to swell and drip down his arm and onto the floor. Kurt felt a rush of happiness as the physical pain took away the mental. Kurt made three more cuts before the pain became too much. Kurt put a bandage around the wounds and hid to razor.

"Maybe he will want me back. I just need to be perfect for him." Kurt went into his bedroom.

He didn't go to work that day.

When Blaine's plane landed in Lima, he felt lost. He just told the love of his life that he had cheated. He felt awful. He didn't even have the guts to say goodbye. Blaine got into his car and drove the long way home.

What do I do now? Blaine thought to himself.

Blaine reached his house and he took out his suitcase and slowly, yet methodically, walked to him room and he laid on his bed, staring at the wall. Blaine took out his phone and pulled up Kurt in his contacts. His thumb hovered over the call button, but he locked the screen instead. Taking a long breath, Blaine went to sleep, dreading the school day ahead.

Kurt groaned as his alarm clock woke him up at the crack of dawn. There was a dull ache in his wrist as he stretched in the bed. Kurt was confused before he replayed yesterdays and the day before events. A tear slid fell down his cheek before he even realized it happened. Kurt wiped the tear out of his face and got up slowly. He made his way to the bathroom and changed the bandage on his wrist. Kurt stared at the four cuts for a few minutes before wrapping the dressings tight, hissing at the way it rubbed against the cuts.

"Kurt?" Rachel called as she knocked on the door.

"Yes?" Kurt replied weakly.

"Are you okay in there? You've been there for a while. I kind of need to use the bathroom." Rachel asked in a concerned tone.

"Oh, uh, yeah, hold on." Kurt quickly gathered himself and opened the door slowly and ushered for Rachel to go in.

"Thank you! I shouldn't be too long. Once I'm done we can go out for a walk or something." Rachel rushed in the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

"Sure." Kurt sighed as he sat in the chair, waiting for Rachel.

Blaine stepped into Glee Club the next afternoon with dark circles under his eyes. He sat in his usual seat by Sam and proceeded to look at his phone, hoping for a text from Kurt. There was none. Blaine sighed and pocketed his phone.

"What's up, dude?" Sam asked as he saw the troubled look on his friends face.

"It's Kurt." Blaine replied quickly.

"What about him? Is he okay?" Sam was alarmed.

"No, no. He is fine. It's something that I did." Sam scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.

"What did you do?" Blaine looked at Sam and then back at his hands.

"I'll tell you after Glee, okay?" Sam nodded reluctantly.

Once rehearsals were over, Sam pulled Blaine insistently. Blaine followed, a little sluggishly.

"Now, tell me what happened." Blaine burst into tears.

"I messed up! I fucked up the only thing that I had!" Blaine cried out.

"Whoa, slow down, Blaine. You need to explain from the beginning." Sam said quickly as he put his hand on Blaine's shoulder.

"I thought that Kurt didn't want me anymore and I felt so alone! I felt like I had none to talk to! I had no other choice but to find someone else. I didn't mean for it to go this far!"

"For what to go too far?" Sam looked at Blaine.

"I cheated! I cheated on the love of my life! I met a guy and I went to his house and we started to make out and the next thing I know is his hands going down my pants! I tried to stop it, I really did!" Blaine was frantically trying to explain his situation to Sam.

"It didn't go any further, did it?" Blaine shook his head.

"No, we didn't have sex. But that doesn't matter! I still cheated on Kurt and now we aren't together and now I don't know what to do!" Sam shook Blaine's shoulder.

"Blaine!" This got Blaine's attention. "I can't help you if you don't calm down! You can still fix this!

"I can?" Blaine asked in a small voice.

"Yes, but you need to do it now, before it's too late." Blaine looked at Sam.

"What do I do?" Sam smiled.

Rachel knew something was wrong the moment she and Kurt left the loft. There was something lacking in his walk. Like the confidence has been taken from him. That was understandable. They both lost their significant others that night. But Rachel knew that Kurt was taking it harder than she was. She, in a sense, was used to break up. She and Finn broke up and made up so many times, they deserved their own reality show. Kurt, on the other hand, was not used to this kind of heart ache. Blaine was Kurt's first and vise-versa. It was love at first sight with those two. The break up seemed to affect everyone close to them.

"Kurt." Kurt looked at Rachel.

"Yes?" Rachel smoothed her skirt.

"Are you okay?" Kurt looked a little taken aback.

"Yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Kurt quickly replied, as if trying to avoid the question.

"You seem, distant, and not in a good way. I know the break up hurt, but you can't let it ruin your life." Kurt looked mad.

"Well, who are you to tell me how to handle my feelings, hm? What about you? What about the times I let you cry on my shoulder because of Finn? How many times have you two broken up? I'm allowed to be upset. Blaine was the love of my life and not he is gone. Just because you're used to being broken up with, doesn't mean I am." With that, Kurt got up from the table and briskly walked away.

"What the heck was that?" Rachel whispered to herself, shocked at Kurt's sudden outburst.

Something is definitely wrong. Rachel thought as she secretly followed Kurt back to the apartment.

Who does she think she is? Kurt thought bitterly. She doesn't have to worry. She's pretty. Rachel can get anyone she wants.

Kurt practically ran into the bathroom the moment he unlocked the door. He opened the drawer. By the time Kurt got out the razor, tears were steadily falling down his cheeks. Kurt let out a shaky breath as he sliced his wrist open. He hissed at every cut.

She doesn't understand! I'm such a failure that I can't even reign in my emotion in front of her! Kurt screamed internally as he continued to slice his wrist.

After a couple of minutes, Kurt put the razor away and watched as the blood dripped off his arm. When he began to feel dizzy, he took out more bandages and wrapped the cuts tightly, unaware of a person watching just beyond the door.

Rachel was confused as Kurt pretty much ran into their shared bathroom. She quietly walked to the door and looked inside.

What she saw will scar her for life.

There Kurt was, standing in front of a mirror, crying, with a small razor held against his wrist. Kurt let out a sigh and sliced his wrist. Kurt just kept on cutting. Rachel put her hand on her mouth and let out a little cry of fear. Once Kurt was satisfied, he sat down and stared blankly at the adjacent wall, silent tears falling down his face. There was no emotion.

Rachel had to do something, and fast. She had some calls to make.

Two days later, Blaine boarded the plane to New York with a little hope.

"I hope this works." Blaine murmured to himself.

The previous day Sam had come up with a plan to get Kurt back.

"So, what do I do?" Blaine asked.

"You go back to New York and surprise him, beg for him to take you back and have hot, gay make up sex." Sam smiled, proud of himself.

"Uh, there is only one problem." Blaine replied. Sam looked confused. "Kurt hates me." Blaine finished.

"So? Go to his house, and surprise him with a gift. Explain to him what happened and I guarantee he will understand and forgive you." Blaine looked hopeful.

"You think so?" Sam patted Blaine's shoulder.

"I know so. Go book that flight and get your man back." Blaine hugged Sam and got into his car, eager to set up the flight. He needed Kurt in his life.

A few hours later and the plane landed in New York. Blaine exited the plan and caught a cab and went to his hotel. He got his key and sat on his bed. Blaine took out his phone, ready to call Kurt when he got a call from Rachel.

"Hello?" Blaine said with a cheery tone.

"Blaine!" Blaine pulled his eyebrows together at Rachel's tone. He didn't like it.

"I need your help!" Rachel rushed out her reply, urgency in her tone.

"What's wrong?" Blaine was concerned and alarmed.

"Kurt locked himself in the bathroom and I think he is hurting himself! You need to talk to him over the phone!" Rachel was frantic.

"KURT IS WHAT? Hold on, Rachel, I'll be right there!" Blaine started to gather his things.

"Wait, how are you getting here? You live states away!" Blaine almost forgot to tell Rachel the plan.

"No, I'm in New York, but that doesn't matter right now! I'll be right there!" Blaine hung up and started to run to the loft.

Kurt doesn't remember why he was in the bathroom. He guessed that he blacked out. But here he was, slicing new wounds into his wrist. There were no tears, there was no emotion. Kurt only felt the pain. The pain took away the stress, the thoughts of how much of a failure he is, it takes away the panic. It has only been three days and Kurt somewhat felt a bit better. Kurt was about to add a fourth slice when the bathroom door slammed open to revel a distressed Blaine on the other side.

"Blaine?" Kurt said with little to no emotion.

"Kurt…what have you done?" Blaine whispered in complete disbelief at the scene in front of him. Kurt was cutting his wrist! There was blood everywhere as the wounds bled steadily.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt said with no emotion.

"Why are you harming yourself?!" Blaine yelled as he ran to Kurt and yanked the blade out of his hand and threw it in the trash.

"I was trying to be perfect, so you'd take me back." Blaine let out a straggled sigh.

"What do you mean?!" Kurt's eyes flashed with sadness.

"I mean, it was inevitable, wasn't it. You're too good for me. You're a perfect human being and I'm just trash. I knew you would eventually find someone better, more attractive than me. I mean, look at me!" Kurt gestured to himself. "I'm not even attractive! I'm ugly! I can't even keep my boyfriend from cheating on me! I fail at everything! I'm such a fucking failure! I can't even get into the college of my dreams because I wasn't manly enough for a lead role. I lost the election. I lost everything! No one wants an ugly, failure for a boyfriend!" Kurt yelled, out of breath.

"Kurt…" Blaine was interrupted.

"Was I not good enough? Am I not attractive enough? Is the other guy better looking?" Kurt whispered, looking at his hands.

"Baby…" Blaine said as he walked up to Kurt and grabbed his face with his hands, lifting Kurt's face.

"You listen to me, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, you are perfect. You are the most beautiful, attractive, sexy, talented man I have ever met. Don't you for one second think that you are ugly or a failure! If anything, I'm the imperfect one for doing this to you. I felt alone and the only way to curb the loneness was to get attention, by any means necessary. I'm so sorry for doing this to you. I didn't mean for it to go this far. I'm so sorry for making you feel this way. This is entirely my fault. I feel like shit! I'm so fucking sorry. I fucking love you and I'm sorry! Please, please tell me you'll forgive me?" Blaine pleaded, tears falling from his eyes. Kurt stayed silent through the entire confession, tears flowing out of his eyes.

"You think I'm perfect?" Kurt whispered as Blaine cried harder.

"Yes, you are perfect. Don't you ever, EVER think you aren't anything but perfect! This is my fault, I know and I can't take back what I did, but I'm asking for forgiveness so we can get help and move forward." Blaine looked directly into Kurt's eyes, pleading for Kurt to forgive him.

"I forgive you… I'm so sorry for hurting myself. I didn't know what else to do! I was alone!" Kurt cried even harder.

"Baby… don't be sorry, this is my fault. Please don't say sorry. I love you so much." Blaine wiped the tears off of Kurt's cheeks.

"I love you too." Kurt whispered back and Blaine leaned in and kissed Kurt softly on the lips. Kurt kissed back and the two got lost in each other.

"Uh-hm." Rachel coughed as the boys broke apart. They looked at her. "Are we all okay?" She asked, a little shaken.

"I think we are." Kurt looked at Rachel. "I'm sorry for scaring you, Rach; I promise I won't do anything like this again." Kurt got up and hugged Rachel, who hugged back fiercely.

"Are we back together?" Blaine asked shyly. Kurt turned around and grabbed Blaine's hand, intertwining their fingers.

"Yes, we are." Kurt smiled and Blaine jumped and kissed him hard on the mouth. Rachel laughed and walked out of the bathroom, giving the boys private time.

Blaine's first day as Kurt's roommate/boyfriend was hectic. The boys had to drive from Ohio to New York, since all of Blaine's things wouldn't fit on a plane; they then had to actually un-pack everything and get settled in their little apartment, courtesy of Blaine's parents. After a long day, Kurt stood in their shared bedroom and stared at the bed. He was startled when he felt arms wrap around his waist, but quickly settled when he felt Blaine put his head on his shoulder.

"Surreal, isn't? Our first night together in new York, no parents to watch us." Blaine said.

"Are you implying something, Blaine Anderson?" Kurt replied with a knowing tone.

"Depends, are you saying yes to my implication?" Blaine turned his head and kissed Kurt's neck slightly. Kurt turned around in Blaine's embrace.

"Yes, sweep me away, young prince." Kurt smiled. Blaine gave a coy smile and leaned in and kissed Kurt. Kurt kissed back and before he knew it, he and Blaine were in a full-on make-out session. Blaine slowly slid his hands over Kurt's ass and Kurt moaned into his mouth. Blaine smiled slightly into the kiss and lifted Kurt. Kurt got the hint and wrapped his long legs around Blaine's waist. Blaine groaned and lightly threw Kurt unto the bed.

"I'm so happy you took me back." Blaine said as he broke apart from the kiss, slightly breathless.

"I am too." Kurt smiled. Blaine took Kurt's wrist and kissed the healed skin softly.

"You're perfect." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I know, you tell me that at least three times a day." Blaine kissed the other wrist.

"Just need to remind you every day. You're perfect and I'm glad I have you." They both smiled and snuggled up to each other and fell asleep in each other's arms.


End file.
